There you are, playing "Call Of Duty" and you realize you're out of Pepsi.  You don't want to get off the couch and go to the store.  You're in the Zone! Plus, you've already pissed yourself and you've been sitting in your own filth for two days.  Thank God for AirRun!  Get me a 2 liter of Pepsi, a box of Fruity Pebbles, and some depends and Gold-Bond Powder.

I can't believe this actually exists.  America is already fat but this will make us gargantuan.  Apparently you can just send up an order for Cheetos and Aqua Lube and hundreds of worker bees bid on who gets to supply the Queen.  Eventually you're spending the entire disability check you're receiving for being 750 lbs on some guy who is in tip-top shape running around town getting you Pop Tarts and Bed-Sore ointment.  Soon your fingers are too fat to use your phone so you've attached a Slim-Jim to your hand with old gum from a Blow-Pop to hit the App.

This should be called Darwin's App.  It weeds out the fat and lazy part of the herd.  At least it creates a way for people who may be struggling financially to make a little cash.  It will be a whole new class of "Butlers" or "Enablers".  I'm sure there will be people who use this app because they actually are disabled.  I'm sure there will be people who use it to get someone to spank them while they're dressed like a baby.  it's also a great way to case a house before you burglarize it.  Maybe it's an App developed by heavy equipment operators to ensure future business by making people so obese they have to be transported by fork-lift and flatbed truck.