Computers Worldwide will supposedly succumb to the Conficker Worm this Wednesday.  This is supposedly a very smart and charming worm that can suck your financial info out of your computer and send it back to it’s creators in Russia or Ukraine.  Why can’t Russian youth just stick to forming Nationalist Skinhead gangs to beat up immigrants and gays?  Here, these geeks can explain it better. 

Computer viruses come and go and we may fall victim to identity theft.  But there are more dangerous futuristic gadgets that could cause serious bodily harm to innocent tech-challenged jerks like myself. 

For instance, The new Bio-Fuel Flying Car.  The flying car is one of those things we should have had by this point in the 21st Century, along with jet packs, food in pill form, and robot sex dolls like in “Westworld”.  This is the part of the article that scares the shit out of me, “The Skycar can be driven by anyone with a driver’s license and paragliding certification — for now. It has built in safety systems in case of mid-air power loss.”  That’s the main problem with driver’s licenses, anyone can get them.  As evidence by the caliber of drivers here in Massachusetts.  Imagine the asshole who can’t figure out what “Merge” means in a flying car. Fuck!  We’re just inviting death from the sky.  Add using a cell phone, IPhone, laptop, drinking coffee, doing paperwork, applying make up to this and us ground dwellers are screwed.  Because that’s who will get these first.  The phone yakking yuppies who need to define themselves by their cars.  “Look at me, I can fly and text!” Then BAM, into a cell tower.  Or worse.  Let me pile on here.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1139262/Keep-eye-TV–TV-contact-lens.html?ITO=1490

That’s right.  A contact lens monitor to watch television and movies.  NEATO!  And it can tap into our emotions and give us the feeling that we’re in the movie?  Holy “Matrix”!  I’m glad I took that red pill!  Other articles also mention drivers can monitor their speed and other gauges in the eye screen.  But they won’t.  They’ll be watching “Fast And Furious” while driving their little Audis and talking to there BFF while sexting the chick that works in accounts payable.  All this while flying in the new GM ”Buick Hawk” that they got tax breaks for buying.  They’ll get caught up in the movie that they’re emotionally invested in and while pretending to be Vin Deisel, spiral downward towards the Mass Pike.  That’s where I will be in my 2004 Accord actually paying attention to my driving, except I’m not looking up because I haven’t gotten used to the fact that there are flying fuckin’ cars!  Vin swoops down and shaves the roof off of my ground vehicle along with my head, which rolls on to the pike and gets crushed by the Fung Wah bus that my car and my headless body veer in front of.  The collision produces a fireball the size of an aircraft carrier because it’s a Fung Wah bus and is leaking gasoline all through the luggage compartment.  The explosion takes out half the Weston tolls and brings down 18 other flying car assholes and a Television traffic chopper.  The flaming debris shuts down the pike for 48 hours.

Look, I embrace technology just as much as the next nerd.  But in the hands of assholes, technology is a deadly killer.  What we really need is a blimp car.