I was at The Thirsty Scholar Pub in Somerville, taking part in my first Trivia Night. Before this, I had thought “Trivia Nights” were gatherings of Nerds and Geeks who were proud fountains of useless knowledge, then I thought, “Hey, that’s me!” The Scholar has a nice beer selection on tap with only one I had not tried, Widmer Brothers Drifter Pale Ale. The bartender handed me a pint glass of copper colored liquidwith many bubbles. It had a thin sudsy cornmeal colored head(To be fair it was kind of dark and I had a couple of whiskeys) and a floral aroma. The first sip was a citrus experience. Mostly grapefruit rind mixed with a floral hop taste. Delicious and refreshing. Great drinkability. It had a smooth consistency and finished with little lingering bitterness. Upon further research I found it is the Summit Hops that give this Pale Ale it’s distinctive citrus character. The Widmer Brothers site says it’s good with seafood, but I quite enjoyed it with my whiskey and steamy trivia about Talk Show Hosts and Post Civil War Presidents.
There a few music videos that are actually interesting. Usually it’s the band with their hair done just right playing to their fan club in a warehouse. Or It’s some lame concept of boy loves girl or a showcase of bitches and bling. Ok Go has always tried to work outside of the box for the idiot box. Most notably the treadmill-centric romp for “Here It Goes Again”. But there latest visual offering takes it up several levels. Thanks to the help of several Genius Engineer Geeks from the Media Lab at MIT. Yes those nerds can do much more than develop space shuttles and drunkenly leap from atop campus buildings. With a nod to the late great Rube Goldberg, “This To Shall Pass” is what a music video should be…visually titillating. Every time I watch it(and it has been dozens of times so far) I discover something new. Even if you’re not a fan of the band this will have you locked in for all 3:53. I can’t imagine what it was like trying to synchronize all the elements, from the water glasses to the umbrella explosions. I’m guessing the amount of smashed TV’s you see about half way through is the number of takes they had to run to get it just right. Well worth the effort.
There I was with several bottles of fine American Craft Brew(and one bottle of Warsteiner) but no bottle opener. It’s an embarrassing and desperate situation. Especially if you’re in line at the Registry and you’ve already paid your 5 bucks to deal with state workers ready to snap. That’s when the MacGyver in me went into action. Looking around, I found a pen, paper, a small empty plastic bag, a baby, and two cans of Bush’s baked beans. Which of these could help me open these delicious pain relievers I was huddling over? Here are some solutions to help you out of a potentially torturous circumstance.
This guy maybe Nerd Central, but he gets the ladies where they want to go at the party. If you were ever ridiculed for wearing a pocket protector, this is your chance to laugh in the face of a sober, thirsty, Jock.
This guy is absolutely right. Why do people who are able to do this piss me off? For the same reason the guy with the guitar playing “Brown Eyed Girl” at the party surrounded by chicks pisses me off. I could never do this. I should be able to with my sausage-like fingers.
This is like strong man Origami. Good for the office at around 2pm when you are most ready to commit suicide. Just grab some copy paper and enjoy. The paper could also be formed into a small baton to club your boss to death with.
The best part of this video is the excellent choice in footwear for operating a chainsaw. If shower slippers can stop you from getting Athletes Foot, they can definitely stop a chainsaw. This man is the future head of OSHA and Mensa. But like I said, it’s a desperate situation to be in.
I’m not a doctor, but I’m guessing these puppies are real. Not that I’m against fake bombs, quite the contrary. But if you’re using a fake one you’re risking some kind of tragic puncture with a D size boob pushed to maximum density. Either way, you’ll be very popular.
This to me looks like a beer lover trying to mainline the bottle. Maybe I could get a nozzle hooked up to my arm, like at the Hospital. Except bottle size. Then I could just pour the beer into my veins. Again, I am not a Doctor.
Yes, I called it a desperate situation. But is it worth thousands of dollars in orthodontic surgery? I always thought that people who did this still had that part of the brain leftover from our ancestors, Neanderthal-Man. If no work, bite. But, while I’m mocking he’s drinking. So who’s the dummy? By the way, the Banjo on the wall gives this video a Deliverance-like feel.
Years of training and competition just to get snapped in the junk. The announcer does a great job letting the world know this guy just got a slalom pole in the sack. This guy will probably be on the Women’s Ski Team next time.
This could be worse than the guy who wiped out doing a ski jump on the old ABC Wide World Of Sports Intro:
Let me start off by saying, I am not a fan of Insane Clown Posse. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Napalm Death, Cannibal Corpse, and on occasion some Severe Torture. But ICP just hasn’t made it past my crap filter.(still, not as bad as Brokenctde) My encounters with their fans(Juggalos) has consistently been less than congenial. They are obnoxious, belligerent, short pants wearing sociopaths who would gladly dangle a baby above rabid Pit Bulls and have the video up on MySpace within minutes. But, whether you love or hate them, there is one sure thing. They are not boring. They revel in pissing off everybody equally and they are damn good at it. My most memorable Juggalo moment was at Rock And Shock 2009 at the DCU Center in Worcester, MA. The bottom floor of the convention center was the horror festival, the top floor was a High School Cheerleading competition. ICP was playing up the street at The Palladium that night. Juggalos like to get to the venue early, to make sure they get in, and to vandalize the surrounding area. But that day the Palladium was having none of it, so they dispersed the make up clad pack of society’s dingleberries, which sent them in the direction of the DCU Center. The Rock And Shock crowd could handle them. The Juggalos blended right in with attendees dressed as Freddy Kruger and Pinhead. But a few found their way into Cheerleading central. Imagine a group of kittens and their overbearing cheer parents being besieged by a group of things that look and act like the little psycho voodoo doll in “Trilogy Of Terror”. As the Juggalos gnashed there discolored teeth at the cream of school spirit I thought, “This is natural”. The Chinese call it Yin Yang. Each group, while completely opposite, actually were interconnected, giving reason for each others existence. Then I thought, “Nah, these guys are just assholes”. But again, they were first-rate.
We’ve all made mistakes, right? We’ve all been there, making a billion dollars a year on a pseudo-sport, getting hooked on muscle relaxers and anti-anxiety-medicine, picking up any cocktail waitress that has an IQ less than 23. I’ve never had my wife beat me with a golf club(unless I asked first). She did throw a bottle at me once, but she missed. The artist who remixed Tiger’s “apology” is a genius. He actually captured what this billion dollar bozo was saying. “I’m sorry i got caught, please keep paying me to play golf.”
Once again WAAF is a proud sponsor of the Passion Plunge. An event featuring hundreds of what seem to be right minded people jumping into near freezing waters to support a good and important cause. Both LB(from the Hill-Man Morning Show) and I have been participants many times. This year LB will be plunging into the icy waters at Revere Beach and I will be diving into the slightly warmer waters at Nantasket beach in beautiful Hull on March 6th. Why do we and hundreds of others subject themselves to extreme temperature drops, near hypothermia, and for the men, extreme shrinkage? Because it’s something we all believe is a good an important cause. The Special Olympics helps nearly 12,000 children and adults with intellectual disabilities participate in Olympic type sporting events in Massachusetts. These Olympians learn teamwork, physical fitness, and skills that will help them through life. Most importantly it gives them a sense of pride. These athletes work hard. All of the Olympians I’ve met over the years have all been very proud of their accomplishments. The Special Olympics Of Massachusetts does not charge a fee to participate. They seek out potential participants and help them train with 1600 coaches. There are also the thousands of volunteers that make this possible. With little or no financial help from State or Federal sources they need alot of help keeping up the quality of the training and the events. Your help would be greatly appreciated. Check the Passion Plunge website to donate or participate, or just stop by and watch the Plungers run screaming from the harbor. Sometimes they do it in costume. I can tell you from personal experience that it feels like millions of tiny shards of glass being jammed into you skin as it hits the water. That’s on a warm day when the water is like, 38F. But it is well worth it.
A recent study by the Basque Government Health Department in Spain has concluded that 6 pints of beer a day can cut your risk of heart disease by 50%. Holy Crap! Of course they also say this does not include how the alcohol affects other parts of your body like your liver. So they go out of their way to warn of over consumption and blah blah blah… Whatever, if a bunch of Doctors(even if they’re Spanish and Basque, which means they are hostile to the current Spanish regime and maybe trying to get the rest of Spain to drink too much to promote Anarchy…purely speculation on my part) then I’m going with the experts.
One suggestion I have, if you were to follow this prescription is Victory’s Hop Wallop Ale. It has excellent drinkability and I personally would take a sixer for the Old Ticker. It poured golden with a thick foamy head. The nose was full of sweet pineapple and hops. The sweetness is the first thing I noticed, with grapefruit and other citrus. Not quite a “Hop Wallop” at first, it’s actually a bit tart. It finishes hoppy and lingered on my taste buds and I felt it in my nasal passages.(I promise I didn’t accidentally snort this stuff like in previous blogs) As i approached the half-way point of my pint glass the hops emerged and became more dominant.
Another good heart helper would beMcNeill’s Brewery Warlord Imperial IPA. It had a fruity aroma and a coffee cream colored head. This Imperial IPA has a malty impression at first with some caramel and maybe a hint of chocolate. The hops come through with a pine taste and citrus. A bit of an alcohol taste but great drinkability. Good enough for six a day. Again, I am not a Doctor.
After watching Taylor Swift and Stevie Nicks butcher “Rhiannon”, and the producers paying tribute to Michael Jackson by doing exactly what he went to great lengths not to do, put his kids on parade, I think I’ve given up on the Grammys. But the RecordingAcademy could save this one jaded viewer by including another category that has been much overlooked: Best Recording/Video By A F***ing Wacko Bigoted Religious Organization.
That award would have unanimously gone to The Amazing producers of the video below, The Westboro Baptist Church.(not affiliated to the Town Of Westborough, MA…they can’t even spell it right! Nice touch.) For those not familiar with their work, they focus mainly on rgae towards homosexuals. They believe Gays are mostly responsible for the 9/11 attacks and any other scourge that brings suffering on the American people. You may have seen them protestingat a Soldiers funeral, celebrating the death as a punishment by God because of this country’s tolerance of Gay rights. Their spokespeople are masters af the art of argument as clearly shown in these videos.
You may be wondering why I am singing the praises of this group witch promotes such hatred. I actually believe the Westboro Baptist Church is a Homosexual Performance Art Collective. Nobody can be this incredibly silly(except maybe the Master, Pat Robertson). It’s a case of beating your enemy at his own game. This group of artists got together and obviously did some heavy research on hate groups of the world and came up with a model that cannot be beat. One day, hopefully they will reveal their act and put shame in the game of groups like MassResistance and Americans For Truth And Liberty Council. They started out like most artists with some DIY home demos which were criminally overlooked by the Entertainment Community. How can songs like, “Semper Fi, Semper Fags”, “This Land Is Fag Land”, and the moving tribute to another overlooked organization, The Coast Guard, “The Toast Guard” not be recognized as comedy classics? I chalk it up to bad distribution deals and jealousy of their Genius. I’m guessing they hail from Brooklyn, NY but moved their studios to Kansas for cred in the Religious Right Wing Wacko Establishment. Now they are jumpingass first into the world of Music Videos with this jocular and gay parody of the Lady Gaga hit, “Pokerface”. All I have to say is, “Watch out Weird Al!” I urge the Recording Academy to make room for these virtuosos of Parody.
I was at The Thirsty Scholar Pub in Somerville, taking part in my first Trivia Night. Before this, I had thought “Trivia Nights” were gatherings of Nerds and Geeks who were proud fountains of useless knowledge, then I thought, “Hey, that’s me!” The Scholar has a nice beer selection on tap with only one I had not tried, Widmer Brothers Drifter Pale Ale. The bartender handed me a pint glass of copper colored liquidwith many bubbles. It had a thin sudsy cornmeal colored head(To be fair it was kind of dark and I had a couple of whiskeys) and a floral aroma. The first sip was a citrus experience. Mostly grapefruit rind mixed with a floral hop taste. Delicious and refreshing. Great drinkability. It had a smooth consistency and finished with little lingering bitterness. Upon further research I found it is the Summit Hops that give this Pale Ale it’s distinctive citrus character. The Widmer Brothers site says it’s good with seafood, but I quite enjoyed it with my whiskey and steamy trivia about Talk Show Hosts and Post Civil War Presidents.
One suggestion I have, if you were to follow this prescription is 
Another good heart helper would be