A recent study by the Basque Government Health Department in Spain has concluded that 6 pints of beer a day can cut your risk of heart disease by 50%.  Holy Crap!  Of course they also say this does not include how the alcohol affects other parts of your body like your liver.  So they go out of their way to warn of over consumption and blah blah blah…  Whatever, if a bunch of Doctors(even if they’re Spanish and Basque, which means they are hostile to the current Spanish regime and maybe trying to get the rest of Spain to drink too much to promote Anarchy…purely speculation on my part) then I’m going with the experts.

One suggestion I have, if you were to follow this prescription is Victory’s Hop Wallop Ale.  It has excellent drinkability and I personally would take a sixer for the Old Ticker.  It poured golden with a thick foamy head.  The nose was full of sweet pineapple and hops.  The sweetness is the first thing I noticed, with grapefruit and other citrus.  Not quite a “Hop Wallop” at first, it’s actually a bit tart.  It finishes hoppy and lingered on my taste buds and I felt it in my nasal passages.(I promise I didn’t accidentally snort this stuff like in previous blogs)  As i approached the half-way point of my pint glass the hops emerged and became more dominant. 

Another good heart helper would beMcNeill’s Brewery Warlord Imperial IPA.  It had a fruity aroma and a coffee cream colored head.  This Imperial IPA has a malty impression at first with some caramel and maybe a hint of chocolate.  The hops come through with a pine taste and citrus.  A bit of an alcohol taste but great drinkability.  Good enough for six a day.  Again, I am not a Doctor.

After watching Taylor Swift and Stevie Nicks butcher “Rhiannon”, and the producers paying tribute to Michael Jackson by doing exactly what he went to great lengths not to do, put his kids on parade, I think I’ve given up on the Grammys.  But the RecordingAcademy could save this one jaded viewer by including another category that has been much overlooked: Best Recording/Video By A F***ing Wacko Bigoted Religious Organization.

That award would have unanimously gone to The Amazing producers of the video below, The Westboro Baptist Church.(not affiliated to the Town Of Westborough, MA…they can’t even spell it right! Nice touch.)  For those not familiar with their work, they focus mainly on rgae towards homosexuals.  They believe Gays are mostly responsible for the 9/11 attacks and any other scourge that brings suffering on the American people.  You may have seen them protestingat a Soldiers funeral, celebrating the death as a punishment by God because of this country’s tolerance of Gay rights.  Their spokespeople are masters af the art of argument as clearly shown in these videos.  

You may be wondering why I am singing the praises of  this group witch promotes such hatred.  I actually believe the Westboro Baptist Church is a Homosexual Performance Art Collective.  Nobody can be this incredibly silly(except maybe the Master, Pat Robertson).  It’s a case of beating your enemy at his own game.  This group of artists got together and obviously did some heavy research on hate groups of the world and came up with a model that cannot be beat.  One day, hopefully they will reveal their act and put shame in the game of groups like MassResistance and Americans For Truth And Liberty Council.  They started out like most artists with some DIY home demos which were criminally overlooked by the Entertainment Community.  How can songs like, “Semper Fi, Semper Fags”, “This Land Is Fag Land”, and the moving tribute to another overlooked organization, The Coast Guard, “The Toast Guard” not be recognized as comedy classics?  I chalk it up to bad distribution deals and jealousy of their Genius.  I’m guessing they hail from Brooklyn, NY but moved their studios to Kansas for cred in the Religious Right Wing Wacko Establishment.   Now they are jumpingass first into the world of Music Videos with this jocular and gay parody of the Lady Gaga hit, “Pokerface”.  All I have to say is, “Watch out Weird Al!”  I urge the Recording Academy to make room for these virtuosos of Parody.

First off, let me roll in a disclaimer:  I know there are starving people and I am not one to waste any kind of food.  But I think this supersedes the hungry.

Below is a video from this past Monday of Canadian Federal Fisheries Minister Gail Shea getting a delicious cream pie in the face from a protester bringing attention to seal hunting atrocities.  Canadian Liberal MP Gerry Byrne believes this should be considered an act of terrorism.  I know I’ve mentioned this in previous blogs but it needs to be restated over and over until the cycle of deadly violence ends and the cycle of cream pie violence starts.  My father was a follower of Ghandi and Martin Luther King Jr.  He believed in turning the other cheek and renouncing all violence.  But what if that cheek was covered with whipped cream with maybe a little meringue?  As we all know, sometimes those who commit violent acts can only understand the language of violence.  If  these acts were committed with pies and not guns they would get the same results.  Terrorists commit acts of violence to bring the world’s attention to their cause.  If they through a pie instead of a grenade they would still get the attention and it would be hilarious.  The target of their baked good assault would also live to see themselves get pied for the rest of their life.  How humiliating is that?  There have been other successful pieing incidents.  Bill Gates’ cream covered face comes to mind.  Imagine if a World leader got a pie in the face?  That message would be heard quite clearly.  If there are any terrorists reading this blog, please consider the delicious and creamy alternative.  I also condone Super Soakers, but only when water or grape juice is used.  Nerf guns are ok too.  Silly String and cold drinks are also acceptable. 

Dave Ellefson has paid his dues and then some.  Former bass player for Metal Pioneers Megadeth for arguably their most creative years,  he also heads up his own various projects like F5, Northern Lights Orchestra, Temple Of Brutality, and many others.  He is currently involved with HAIL! A project with Andreas Kisser(Sepultura), Tim “The Ripper” Owens(Judas Priest, Iced Earth), and Mike Portnoy(Dream Theater).  Started as a one off jam band for the NAMM Convention, Hail now has toured the world bringing Metal to the masses.  They’ll be bringing the Rock to Showcase Live at Patriot Place in Foxborough this Wednesday(1/27/10).  In this interview, Dave talks about bringing HAIL! to the Middle East, the Spinal Tap like drummer changes, and basically loving what he’s doing:

http://hosted-media.podzinger.com/waaf/archive/Mike_Hsu/2010-01-26_Interview_Former_Megadeth_Bassist_Dave_E.mp3

Here’s HAIL! doing the Sepultura classic “Territory”:

The great American Icon known as the Beer Can turns 75 this year.(1/24 to be exact) Back in 1935 beer cans were made out of tough American STEEL, and could be used to fight of bears.  You had to use a church key or a railroad spike to open the bastards.  Sometimes the beer was a rusty mess that guys drank anyway because it was the depression and you didn’t waste anything you lousy punk ass kid!  By the 50’s can makers welcomed aluminum.  It was lighter and cheaper, plus the military needed the steel to help kill more Communist sons o’ bitches in Korea.  The pull tab was also introduced.  Remember the good ol’ pull tab?  It was like pulling the pin on a grenade of potential Good Times.  I mostly remember them littering my local playground and cutting myself with them trying to make a necklace.  In the 70’s the stay tab cans we know and love today were introduced.  Less litter, more broken teeth.

The can of beer was at all the crucial moments of my life.  My Dad brought home a six pack of Bud when I was 15 and we shared it while he lectured me on how to not be an asshole while drinking.  Nice try Dad.  I enjoyed cases of Busch cans at a party I had at my house while my parents were away.  The night went off without any major injuries or damage, except for my friend inadvertently hurling some nun-chucks through a window.  It was winter and the snow was deep in Natick, MA that year.  As it melted with the oncoming Spring, evidence was exposed around the house in the form of those lovely Busch cans.  Good times.  There’s the hundreds, maybe thousands of times I formed an empty beer can into an improvised bowl to smoke pot.  Just bend it in the middle and poke some holes in it..viola!  Of course, I was taking burning aluminum into my lungs.  No sign of any abnormalities yet.  Except for the twitching left eye and the voices…those god…damned…voices.  At least my daughter came out somewhat normal.  There was a hellacious road trip from Hyannis to the late great Channel nightclub in Boston to see DRI, Kreator, and Holy Terror.  My friend and I scarfing down cans of..once again..Busch..hurling the spent Blue Meanies out the window along rt.6 and 3.  Again, my Father tried…but failed.

We enjoy shooting beer cans, making a pyramid, shotguns, and trying to crush them against your forehead, imitating Belushi in “Animal House”.  Not as easy as it looks and also quite painful.  We can’t forget the guys who had the can collection.  Especially when they were like 12.  That’s a healthy hobby for a pre-teen.  But at least it was something you could do with Dad.  He drank to forget and you reaped the benefits, displaying them on a custom shelf from Sears.  Now we have a different kind of collector, rummaging through our recycling bin at 5am and making a mint at the redemption center.

These days I LOVE an ice cold Narragansett tall-boy.  It’s truly heaven in a can.  But the cheap stuff no longer has an exclusive hold on the can.  American craft brewers are discovering cans are easier to transport, and are better at preserving the flavor by not allowing light in and being more air-tight.  The Oskar Blues Brewery out of Colorado is the best so far.  Their Dale’s Pale Ale is wonderfully hoppy with a bite of pine and citrus that gives way to a lingering hop and caramel flavor.  Plus it’s in a can, so I can try that crushing against my forehead thing…just with a better beer.  Happy Birthday to the American Icon of FUN! If you have any great Beer Can memories please share them below in the comment section….If you can remember.

In a previous blog i ranted about NBC pulling a “New Coke” marketing scheme with their Leno/Conan situation.  But a Taiwanese Television Network has laid it all out in an easy to understand(if you speak Chinese) animated action short that depicts Conan as the Incredible Hulk and Leno as Superman( or Super douche).  There is also a brilliant, chaotic 4-way brawl with Letterman and Kimmel.  I wish American News Channels used Super-Hero Animation instead of live actors.

Someone may have worked on their Gluts too much.  Is that a specially designed aerodynamic Thong?  Of course I immediately thought of populating the U.S. Olympic team with strippers to boost ratings. 

Not really.  Take a break from the Bullshit Fest that is the Massachusetts Special Senatorial election and wonder at how hot Tiffani Amber Thiessen still is.

This late night TV Controversy is best reality TV since “I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here”(also NBC).  I sincerely thought that NBC and Jay Leno were actually following a brilliant marketing plan for The Tonight Show With Conan Obrien.  See, Jay knows what it’s like to take over a television institution and be expected to fail.  So why not cause some controversy to give Conan a ratings boost to give a  jump start to the new host.

This is what I dreamed up in my resin soaked mind: Conan’s ratings were rough in his first weeks.  Leno goes to NBC and says, ”Put me on at 10pm on your best night and I’ll make a big deal about it, then flounder like I was Chevy Chase.  I know how to produce a winning show, I can definitely make a losing one with style.  Then I’ll say I want to go back to my old time slot and push the fledgling Conan out before even giving him a chance.  That would be a total douche bag move that would actually build support and attract attention to Conan’s show.  We’ll duke it out for a couple of weeks, get all the news services to cover it, maybe even Letterman and the lesser shows like Kimmel and Furgeson will talk it up.  Then I will bow out gracefully with another passing of the torch and retire with Mavis and my Motorcycles.  People will rally around Conan, and Letterman will eat shit.”

I call it the ”New” Coke theory.  Coca- Cola had been feeling Pepsi snapping at their heels in the 80’s.  I think Michael Jackson catching fire during the filming of a Pepsi commercial was planned because it would create amazing publicity.  I think they promised him the bones of Danny Bonaduce but he didn’t die when he was supposed to and the deal fell through.  Either way, Pepsi got some good press.  Coke got nervous and tried to create their own “Taste Of A New Generation” but failed miserably.  Their Scientists could not improve on something that was already perfect with rum.  But with Pepsi closing in they had to try something.  Some genius in there marketing department probably said, “Let’s put it out there anyway.  It’s so bad, people will demand the old Coke back.  You don’t really miss something until it’s gone, right Tiger?  We’ll say we are giving the consumer’s what they demand and roll out “Coke Classic”.  The whole thing will have generated so much press that Pepsi would have to send Michael Jackson flaming through the streets like Richard Pryor.  The world will celebrate the return of the “Classic” and the Coke executives with sit back and be amazed how much the world really cared about something so silly like soda, while shipping off the leftover new Coke to Bulgaria.

Well I guess I was just high on Pepsi Free because that obviously didn’t happen and Leno and NBC pushed out a guy who apparently didn’t know HE was the “New Coke”.  Except we’re not getting the delicious original back.  We’re getting Supermarket brand “Cola”  I know Conan will be back stronger and funnier….funnier than Leno for sure.

Check out these videos of Jimmy Kimmel ripping Leno: