A recent study by the Basque Government Health Department in Spain has concluded that 6 pints of beer a day can cut your risk of heart disease by 50%.  Holy Crap!  Of course they also say this does not include how the alcohol affects other parts of your body like your liver.  So they go out of their way to warn of over consumption and blah blah blah…  Whatever, if a bunch of Doctors(even if they’re Spanish and Basque, which means they are hostile to the current Spanish regime and maybe trying to get the rest of Spain to drink too much to promote Anarchy…purely speculation on my part) then I’m going with the experts.

One suggestion I have, if you were to follow this prescription is Victory’s Hop Wallop Ale.  It has excellent drinkability and I personally would take a sixer for the Old Ticker.  It poured golden with a thick foamy head.  The nose was full of sweet pineapple and hops.  The sweetness is the first thing I noticed, with grapefruit and other citrus.  Not quite a “Hop Wallop” at first, it’s actually a bit tart.  It finishes hoppy and lingered on my taste buds and I felt it in my nasal passages.(I promise I didn’t accidentally snort this stuff like in previous blogs)  As i approached the half-way point of my pint glass the hops emerged and became more dominant. 

Another good heart helper would beMcNeill’s Brewery Warlord Imperial IPA.  It had a fruity aroma and a coffee cream colored head.  This Imperial IPA has a malty impression at first with some caramel and maybe a hint of chocolate.  The hops come through with a pine taste and citrus.  A bit of an alcohol taste but great drinkability.  Good enough for six a day.  Again, I am not a Doctor.

The great American Icon known as the Beer Can turns 75 this year.(1/24 to be exact) Back in 1935 beer cans were made out of tough American STEEL, and could be used to fight of bears.  You had to use a church key or a railroad spike to open the bastards.  Sometimes the beer was a rusty mess that guys drank anyway because it was the depression and you didn’t waste anything you lousy punk ass kid!  By the 50’s can makers welcomed aluminum.  It was lighter and cheaper, plus the military needed the steel to help kill more Communist sons o’ bitches in Korea.  The pull tab was also introduced.  Remember the good ol’ pull tab?  It was like pulling the pin on a grenade of potential Good Times.  I mostly remember them littering my local playground and cutting myself with them trying to make a necklace.  In the 70’s the stay tab cans we know and love today were introduced.  Less litter, more broken teeth.

The can of beer was at all the crucial moments of my life.  My Dad brought home a six pack of Bud when I was 15 and we shared it while he lectured me on how to not be an asshole while drinking.  Nice try Dad.  I enjoyed cases of Busch cans at a party I had at my house while my parents were away.  The night went off without any major injuries or damage, except for my friend inadvertently hurling some nun-chucks through a window.  It was winter and the snow was deep in Natick, MA that year.  As it melted with the oncoming Spring, evidence was exposed around the house in the form of those lovely Busch cans.  Good times.  There’s the hundreds, maybe thousands of times I formed an empty beer can into an improvised bowl to smoke pot.  Just bend it in the middle and poke some holes in it..viola!  Of course, I was taking burning aluminum into my lungs.  No sign of any abnormalities yet.  Except for the twitching left eye and the voices…those god…damned…voices.  At least my daughter came out somewhat normal.  There was a hellacious road trip from Hyannis to the late great Channel nightclub in Boston to see DRI, Kreator, and Holy Terror.  My friend and I scarfing down cans of..once again..Busch..hurling the spent Blue Meanies out the window along rt.6 and 3.  Again, my Father tried…but failed.

We enjoy shooting beer cans, making a pyramid, shotguns, and trying to crush them against your forehead, imitating Belushi in “Animal House”.  Not as easy as it looks and also quite painful.  We can’t forget the guys who had the can collection.  Especially when they were like 12.  That’s a healthy hobby for a pre-teen.  But at least it was something you could do with Dad.  He drank to forget and you reaped the benefits, displaying them on a custom shelf from Sears.  Now we have a different kind of collector, rummaging through our recycling bin at 5am and making a mint at the redemption center.

These days I LOVE an ice cold Narragansett tall-boy.  It’s truly heaven in a can.  But the cheap stuff no longer has an exclusive hold on the can.  American craft brewers are discovering cans are easier to transport, and are better at preserving the flavor by not allowing light in and being more air-tight.  The Oskar Blues Brewery out of Colorado is the best so far.  Their Dale’s Pale Ale is wonderfully hoppy with a bite of pine and citrus that gives way to a lingering hop and caramel flavor.  Plus it’s in a can, so I can try that crushing against my forehead thing…just with a better beer.  Happy Birthday to the American Icon of FUN! If you have any great Beer Can memories please share them below in the comment section….If you can remember.

It’s a bold statement.  But I’ve had many a Hard Cider and this one is truly amazing.  From the fertile grounds of Flushing, Michigan comes this amazingly sweet, sublime apple experience.  J.K.’s Scrumpy Hard Cider Farmhouse Organic is the BEST Hard Cider I have ever had.  It goes beyond just ciders.  It is one of the greatest beverages ever.  I’m drinking one as I write this disgustingly gushing tribute to a great American tradition.  Jim Koan’s family has been making this stuff since the late 1800’s.  A Scrumpy is a type of English Farmhouse Ale.  J.K. describes it as a mix between that and a Normandy Cider.  Whatever is in that Michigan dirt is the key.  In colonial times Cider was the drink of choice at most tables because most of the water gave you the shits.  Our Nation’s 2nd President, John Adams consumed a dram of Hard Cider every morning to start the day with a favorable perspective.  If a President drank an alcoholic beverage before evening now we would call him a drunk and call for his impeachment.  I believe if all world leaders enjoyed a J.K.’s Scrumpy first thing in the morning we would have a more peaceful planet.

This unfiltered totally organic cider has a golden brown sugar look when poured with a high carbonation.  The first sip brought a full on sensory overload of fresh apple sweetness and a taste of fermentation that coexists peacefully with the crisp tartness.  It’s like you’re tapping right into the barrel while hanging with your fellow orchard enthusiasts while wearing your Wellies and Barn Coat.  You feel like you’re in a friggin’ Yankee Magazine layout.  There is no added sugar which makes the sweetness even more amazing.  The tartness is similar to biting into a fresh Macintosh.  No preservatives probably helps the authenticity of the taste too. It’s completely refreshing and doesn’t have that weird plastic bitterness that some Hard Ciders have.

Ever since my local packy guy turned me on to this, I find myself thinking about it in the middle of the day and night.  I’ll be watching my daughter eat an apple and think, “I gotta get some Scrumpy tonight or I’m going to commit a horrible crime.  I would definitely steal my Mothers purse to get another bottle of this stuff.  Is this starting to sound like a problem.  Maybe we could get all the H Junkies hooked on this tuff instead.  That way we would be supporting an Independent American business instead of some Taliban sympathising Poppy farmer.

Now that we are full into Winter I like to fortify my already robust anatomy with darker, heavier brews to keep me warm(or at least the illusion of warmth) through the frozen months.  I had a nice session at Brew City in Worcester, sitting at the bar, warming the cockles with a few spicy ales.

I’m not too crazy about Winter seasonal brews.  Sometimes they’re a little too over the top.  I rarely finish a brew that bombards my senses with Frankincense and Murr.  You know, like biting into a Grandma’s Mince Meat Pie.  The Affligem Noel is quite pleasant on tap and from the bottle.  Not too spicy, but festive enough to light up the palette. This strong Belgian Dark has a more earthy essence with hints of caramel and a alcohol taste that kicks in at the end.  It also has a slight anise aroma and a wonderful velvety copper brown color.  This is the Ale I picture the Elves throwing back the day Christmas as they put their little feet up and bitch about that hard-ass Clause.  I later enjoyed a bottle a few days later at a friends party with the similar sweet results.  More banana and apple flavors came through as it warmed.  One 22 oz bottle was enough for me.  Went well with Swedish Meatballs.

Avery’s Old Jubilation Ale has a Ruby Red color and a thick, creamy, light coffee colored head after pouring from the tap.  It has hints of toffee and roasted malt with a tart hop finish.  There is definitely chocolate and cherry elements here too.  Barely a hint of winter spice. At 8% ABV it has a little kick to it.

Troeg’s Mad Elf also lays off the Spice and is very drinkable.  It has a dark Ruby color and a taste of honey and fruit at first. Then as it went down I tasted cherry, orange and malt.  It has a Belgian feel to it.  It also 11% ABV and you can definitely taste it.  At this point I started to get shit- faced so I ordered up some fried pickles(highly recommended).  The contrast of salty/sour/fried and the complex sweetness was so overwhelming I started moaning with pleasure, which made the gentleman sitting next to me very uncomfortable and the bartender had to ask me to calm down.

By the way, Cockles are deepest emotions or feelings in one’s soul or heart.  It also refers to hidden folds or some kind of clam…..you’re welcome.

A Bottle of Beer found at the site of the Hindenburg Airship disaster will go to Auction this week.  According to the article, the bottle of Lowenbrau will get close to $8500.  Which is almost as much as you pay for a beer at The Comcast Center.  The auction house warned the beer was not drinkable and was probably, “quite putrid”.  I’d still put it up against Golden Anniversary anytime.  But what about back in 1937 when it was found?  What would be the effect of a giant Hydrogen fireball have on a Munich-Style German brew?  I know this is rather insensitive and morbid, but it’s the first thing I thought about when I read the article.  In the bottle, exposed to high heat and then buried for a few days.  I’m sure someone like those freaks at Dogfish Head would go to great lengths to recreate this process like they do with ancient recipes.  They would probably build a Hydrogen Airship, stock it with some cases, and then light it up….unmanned of course. 

What would beer from the Titanic be like.  Say, a fine Samuel Smith Ale sunk in icy Atlantic waters for months then retrieved.  How would that alter the chemistry of the brew.  This is starting to get creepy…never mind.

By the way, I had a bottle of Stone Brewery’s Sublimely Self-Righteous Ale.  It is a beautiful brew.  More of a Stout than an Ale in my opinion.  There is a hint of hops in it, but the roasted malty, chocolaty, smokiness dominates.  It was a great with my warm double chocolate brownies.

Another great pairing is The Lagunitas Hop-Stoopid with a roasted duck from The Hong Kong Eatery in Chinatown.  The pine and citrus flavors along with the aroma of hops cuts through the greasy Duck skin and creates a delicious contrast.  After polishing off a bottle and half a duck, I passed out for three days.

A Muslim Woman in Malaysia has recently been sentenced to have six strokes from a cane because she…DRANK A BEER!!  Apparently Islamic law says you can’t drink a beverage that was first brewed in ancient Southern Iraq and Western Iran.  Is it really worth a beating?  I know some people who drink so much beer they get obnoxious and start spouting off about crap they know nothing about.  Rude assholes who, with the help of a good lager will volunteer their time to counsel you on something they have no business even mentioning.  That’s how my “friends” describe me after a few pints anyway.  I know Islam is about Love and Peace(except for those few assholes who try to blow up a market trying to force the Love and Peace on others.  Actually, their acting like a bunch of drunk asshole know-it-alls.  Is that Irony?) But what if you LOVE beer, and it brings you PEACE when enjoying it?  Maybe I’m so corrupted by Western Capitalist Culture that my soul can’t comprehend the inherent evil in a glass of smooth and creamy stout.  Sure, if you drink enough you have the potential of becoming an evil prick, but it’s better than stoning someone for not wearing a veil or trying to go to school.  Now that’s uber-prickish in my opinion. 

One of my first thoughts after reading about this was, “I hope it was worth it.”  They don’t state what kind of beer it was.  I hope it was god enough to mentally ease any pain by just remmembering the experience.  I started thinking, what if I was a beer lover who lived in a society that considered drinking it a crime?  What beer would I be willing to risk a beating for?  Is it worth the pain and societal ostracism?  A few came to mind:

The Dogfish Head Forte.  A lovely brew with raspberry puree.  Their 120 Minute IPA is also worth a  beating.  Both are mysterious, enchanting, and delicious.  Everything a Fundamentalist Muslim court is afraid of.

Harpoon’s Imperial I.P.A is part of their Leviathan series.  It’s amazing blast of hop flavor is sure to make you miss a prayer session.

The Schneider-Weisse Aventinus is a beautiful wheat doppelbock that has a body no burka could conceal.

After toiling in a Malaysian rubber tree Field for 8 hours just miles above the equator, you probably develop a thirst as hellacious as The Battle Of Badr.  Nothing in this world rewards hard sweaty work like an ice cold tall-boy of Narraganset Lager.  It hits the parched pallet like a chilly angel of mercy.  It almost makes you bow to Cranston.

What brews are worth a caning to you? Let me know in the comments section below.  Until then, don’t get caught.

Am I just old? Am I being close-minded about this? Do I have a hang up about my anus? Last time I checked, you could still get a decent buzz by drinking liquor and beer with YOUR MOUTH! Is enjoying a cocktail or pint the traditional way so boring that the youth of America needs to take it in another cavity? These kids need to get jobs…or maybe it’s their jobs that are driving them to do this. Who was the first to think, “Hey, this drinking with my mouth thing is ok, but I need to get the alcohol into my blood stream quicker, and bypass all those filtering organs like my LIVER!!! I know! My friends brother who is in a fraternity said he got wicked fucked up by taking a funnel in the ass! I’m not usually prone to sticking things in my ass except my finger. But hey, why not? The Sox are losing and I need to bond with my best friend anyway.” What do you think this guy’s friend said? “Sure I’d love to help you force beer into your anal cavity! I mean, I’m not gay, but I’d do anything to help my bro’ catch a buzz. You have to promise to do me after you’re done squirting beer and feces out of your ass.  And I hope you don’t mind, but I’d like to wear this bra while you do it.” Is THIS the NEW THING? Is this what the cool kids are doing? What’s next? Taco Bell coming out with 7 layer burrito anal packs with festively colored applicator tube and extra napkins? Is your life so mundane you have to saturate a tampon in vodka to get a rush? Smirnoff will have the first line of flavored vodka tampons. Maybe a Pap Smirnoff kit so you can get cocked while an OBGYN/Bartender is plopping in a couple of olives?

Well if I’m going to keep up with the latest beverage rage then I guess I should start thinking about what beer I would want forced into my ass with a tube. I would probably start with one of my favorites: G. Schneider And Sohn’s Aventinus. A wonderful Wheat Dopplebock Ale brewed by Germans, who at times, can get a little freaky with the ass. It pours a Brown Sugar/Molasses color with a rye colored head. It’s scent is sweet spice and cinnamon. This is the closest you’ll get to drinking pumpkin pie, or shoving one in your anus. The first sip with your mouth brings a raisin and rich spice with malt and a bit of smokiness. As it warms the spiciness really comes out so you may want to wait 5 to 10 minutes before funneling it into your ass to get the full affect. A Carmel taste is also present and it has a fair amount of carbonation so try to keep still as your buddy starts to pour it into your ass. With a 8.2% ABV, you’ll be shitfaced(no pun intended) within minutes if you take it anally. I first had this at Jacob Wirth’s in Boston with the small plate sauerbraten and spatzle. The richness of the brew and the brisket and gravy made it a decadent experience. You may want to include some in your beer bong. Watch out, it’s hot! After that heavy German experience in your ass, you may want to cleanse the palette(or anus) with a Fullers ESB. A beautiful Copper colored Bitter with an eggshell foamy head. You get a great aroma of malt and a hint of spice after pouring(unless your taking it anally) It’s a sweet first sip with hints of grains and a rather tart malty finish. Very drinkable or bongable. Well, any way you take these beers, I’m sure it will be an experience you will want to inject into your life or ass again and again.  What beers would you like to receive in the ass?  Let me know in the comments section below.

I started the Summer vacation drinking…I mean research, as soon as I got home from work on the Friday before heading down to Sweet Cape Cod for the week.  I pulled a cold Southampton Publick House IPA out of my fridge and poured it into a glass while whiping the drool from my mouth.  I’m usually suspicious of people who use the “olde” English spelling for things like “shoppe” or preface it with “Ye”.  But I had heard good things about this New York brewery.  It poured a light amber with a thin sudsy head.  A great hop aroma with a slight smokiness.  The first sip not only contained a strong hop taste but was also had the bittersweet grapefruit rind flavor which lingered after the finish.  Keep in mind, I had the natural high of the night before a week’s vacation, so it was hard to ruin my chipper mood.  It’s high carbonation made it refreshing and I give it high points for drinkability.  Great with the oversized cheeseburgers with whiskey chipotle sauce I had for dinner. 

The Dogfish Head folks continue to prove they are wacko extremists when it comes to brewing spectacular beers.  This time, like their Midas Touch, they delve into ancient history to find new and mysterious tastes.  This time they go to China, where recently unearthed artifacts have traces of the worlds oldest brew.  Chateau Jiahu is based on a northern Chinese concoction painstakingly anylized by University professors and then handed over to the mad professors at Dogfish Head.  Like most of their brews, it’s got some crazy shit in it.  Pre-geletinized Rice flakes, Chrysanthemum flowers, muscat grapes, etc.  After pouring this reddish amber nectar it formed a thin but creamy off-white head.  I could smell the fermented fruit, it almost had a musty character.  The malt also came through in the aroma and with vanilla and light citrus.  I studied the illustration of the hot asian gothy chick on the label while I let it settle.  The first sip was rich, as alot of Dogfish Head occasional brews are, tasted of orange and raisin, with a high alcohol taste and a delicious creaminess.  This brew made my lips, gums, and teeth tingle.  It was so mystifying I started to feel paranoid.  What if they messed up a step in the process and accidentally made some kind of hallucinogenic liquid that is eating away at my oral cavity?  Is this a trick by the Chinese Government to make us drink a mind control solution disguised as a historical re-creation?  Should I get my teeth cleaned?  The tingling went away after a couple of sips.  As it warmed it’s fruitiness was enhanced and the alcohol taste increased.  As I approached the bottom of the bottle my skull started to warm.(8.0 ABV)  The Dogfish Head people are witches!!  The fermented fruit aroma increased and the taste of apples started to appear.  Or was I tripping balls?  It finished sweet.  This is a brew to be enjoyed and not guzzled.  The ancient Chinese must have been very happy drinking this….when they were not being pillaged by Mongols.

I love that point during a Cape Cod vacation when you become “Beachy”.  You’ve been at the beach every day body surfing and taking in the sun.  Eating snow cones while getting crispy.  Using the outside shower to rinse the sand out of your crack.  Your skin is covered in layers of salt water, sunscreen, and sweat.  It was in this state I refreshed myself with a Whales Tale Pale Ale from Cisco Brewers.  I sat on a deck in the sun letting the salt and sand bake into my scalp and grabbed a cold one from the cooler.  I first held the iced cold bottle to the back of my neck before I poured it to reveal it’s light copper color and sudsey head.  Then first cold sip of this Nantucket brew was light on hops with a touch of grapefruit rind and smokey malt.  It was not overbearing and fully drinkable.  I enjoyed the full four pack including one in the outdoor shower which is a great summer experience.  It finished bitter and crisp and was the go to beer of my summer vacation.