Roger Clemens’ latest mug shot. Nice hi- lites! Does that happen when you use steroids?

You have a message about that thing you ordered. Check it here.

I pity the cow who’s going to munching on this stuff.  Is this real?  It looks pretty good….technically.  Fat hairy Farmer stripping down is not good, for viewing or for the hay.  This just proves how hard farmers work.  Eventually all that time in the field is going to make you snap and risk having your junk mangled in farming equipment.  Real or not?  Brilliant or dumb hayseed?  You Make the call.

Brent from Shinedown talks about his greatest rock moment with Eddie Van Halen, a deli tray, and urine. See the video here.

Apocalyptica is revenge.  Remember those kids who were always lugging their cellos to take lessons from some nerdy music teacher?  Or the kid you made fun of because while you were busy hanging out at Fun And Games trying to catch a buzz he was at piano lessons?  Those kids may not have stayed with their musical social status killer.  Or maybe they did and are now the nerdy music teacher giving lessons to some geek.  But they are all taking comfort in the fact that a few of their fellow band camp nerds have become Rock Stars and the target of Gothy, fish- netted groupies.

That was the scene last night on stage at Royale(formerly The Roxy) in Boston as Apocalyptica showed the crowd how to rock using 3 cellos and a drummer.  That was it.  No back up guitar, no bass, just cellos and Viking attitudes.  Each member seemed to represent a different attitude.  Eicca Toppinen in “Black Album” era James Hettfield garb flailing his blond mane.  Paavo Lotjonen, who has a 50’s psycho-billy look and was the biggest motivator of crowd participation, hefting his cello in the air with one hand urging the crowd to clap along.  Perttu Kivilaakso is definitely the intense gothy weirdo, with intense concentrated blasts of motion on the fretboard of his cello, one foot on the monitor, sweat flying through the air, and Mikko Siren, the anchor, bashing the drums behind the storm of wailing strings, keeping each string man in line and taking a turn on the Double Bass for the quieter moments.

If you go to concerts or clubs to see bands regularly, you may have been programmed to expect the traditional guitar, bass, drums formation, sometimes with a singer, keyboards, horns.  But seeing only cellos and the wave of sound that comes from the stage is astounding.  The sound Toppinen conjured from his cello with the Wah-Wah pedal during the opener, Metallica’s ”Everywhere I Roam” could never be made with a guitar.  They also tore through “Master Of Puppets”  and “Seek And Destroy”.  Paying appropriate homage to the band that inspired them to go beyond the classical realm.  For those songs the crowd became the vocalists.  Former Leningrad Cowboys vocalist TipeJohnson handled vocal duties for the current single “End Of Me” and the hit “I Don’t Care”.  He was especially powerful for “I’m Not Jesus”, originally sung by Corey Taylor from the previous album “Worlds Collide”.   One of the people I was with suggested his vocals would be perfect for a cover of “Bezerker” by Love Among Freaks from the “Clerks” soundtrack.

They ramped down the intensity in the middle of the set with two quiet instrumentals from the new album “7th Symphony”.  The first was simply called “Beautiful” and it was just that.  Siren stepped out from behind the kit to play the double bass as the 3 others layered melodies that immediately hushed the crowd.  The second was called “Sacra” and reminded me of the music that accompanied the Vampire classic “Nosferatu”.  It was dark and made a bit tribal by Siren switching to a small tympani. 

All the while throngs of Gothy girls in fishnets, rubber, and Victorian garb reached toward the stage in wanting.  Somewhere a band camp nerd felt a tickle of hope in their stomach and caught a whiff of sweet revenge.

p.s. All these Finnish names made this blog look like a bloody mess after hitting spell-check.

19 year old lesbian, former soccer player and Hooters waitress. Have we got your attention. Check her out here.

Every year at The State Fair Of Texas they push the heavily battered envelope of deep fried goodness with an array of wonderful(and sometimes frightening) deep fried experiments.  There have been Deep fried Twinkies, Snickers, cheeseburgers, Coca-Cola, and even Pig’s feet.  But the item that immediately caught my cholesteric eye was the FRIED BEER!!!  HOLY SHIT!!! FRIED FUCKIN’ BEER!!!

There have been other experiments involving beer in batter but I think this is the first time the beer is left to stand alone.  In this case in a pretzel pocket deep fried until golden brown.  Oh, sweet honey in the rock!  They do not mention what kind of beer is used so there would have to be more experimentation….at my house.   I would love to use Dogfish head Forte and drizzle raspberry cream over it.  Maybe a Shipyard Smashed Pumpkin Ale sprinkled with cinnamon.  The possibilities are endless….and deadly. 

 Mark Zabel, the frickin’ genius who created this culinary gem should have a holiday named after him.  Below is the CBS news report.

DEEP FRIED BEER! The State Fair of Texas is an amazing place. See the details here.

Some mash-ups can go terribly wrong, but this one kicks ass.  Thanks to our Virgin Video Guy Razmig for turning me on to this.  You may think it’s sacrilege to alter “Voodoo Chile(Slight return)”.  That’s too bad….because this is pretty sweet.  I’m sure if Jimi was alive he could relate.