Wednesday is a big day for our “magician in-chief”.  Not because he has returned to receive the adoration of the European nations that greeted him as a conquering hero during the campaign, but because his Aunt Zeituni faces her immigration hearing in Boston that will determine whether she gets to remain in this country or not.  For Barack Obama this presents an incredible opportunity to show the country, and the world, how he feels about our immigration policy.

First, a little history.  Zeituni Onyango is Barack Obama’s half aunt, the daughter of his grandfather and his third wife.  Barack’s father, Zeituni’s half sister,  is the son of his grandfather and his second wife.  She has spoken very little with the media, so we don’t know alot about her, but she did she say that she is has been coming to America since 1975.  Over four years ago, before her half nephew was a candidate for President, she lost her bid for Asylum and should have left the country.  As is to be expected in this victim state we live in, she never left, and has been the beneficiary of public housing at the Flaherty Way housing project in Southie ever since.

Shouldn’t our President stand up in public and tell us what he thinks of the plight of his beloved aunt?  She is, after all, a repeat law breaker who has been feeding off the public trough of taxpayer funded housing for god knows how long?  If the President is angry that our tax dollars are going to pay the bonuses of AIG employees, and Detroit Auto Workers, isn’t he upset that they are going to support a person who is here in violation of the law and is not, near as we can tell, a fellow tax payer?  Or does he feel such empathy to those who sneak into our country, suck off the taxpayer teet, and work the system ad nauseum, that he feels they (she) should be allowed to stay?  Which is it?  I just want to know what his opinion is…and why no one has asked him.

Can you imagine if George Bush has an illegal mexican relative living in public housing in Texas?  Take it one step further, and can you imagine if the liberal media found out that George Bush’s illegal aunt from Mexico made a campaign contribution of $260 dollars to his campaign?  Would there be a major investigation?  I think you know the answer.  And if you look hard enough, you will find that Aunt Zeituni did just that for her nephew.  Must have saved up what she didn’t have to pay for her housing to make the donation.

Maybe the President will tell us what he thinks about his aunt, and by turn, what he thinks about our immigration policy and whether we are a country of laws.  And whether those laws apply to everyone or just to the lawful taxpayers.  Maybe…but I think not.  He will be too busy hugging the Euro trash who still think he is going to save the world.

Check out these pictures of the latest visit from Jesus Christ.

Jesus At Premier Video

This isn’t nearly as impressive as Jesus in A Hospital Window, or Mary in a grill cheese sandwich….mmmmm…grilled cheese.  It’s more like the The Arc Angel Of Budget Decals threw this up.  Maybe that’s another sign of a bad economy.  No more chemically complex apparitions with toasted bread.  Just hit Fast Signs and slap some stickers on the side of a heathen video store that rents out movies with porn and violence.  Or is Jesus letting sinners know that he will avert his eyes to sin as long as you rent from the Mom And Pop store that’s losing tons of money, instead of the Giganto Chain that is losing tons of money. 

Does Jesus still rent from a Video store?  I thought they would have a sweet DVD/Blue ray collection going on in heaven.  You figure Jesus would be on the Academy Of Motion Pictures Arts list.  Every studio would want the Messiah to screen their new film.  He could send us a sign in the form of a image in a giant plasma screen at Best Buy. “Hey shoppers, this is The Lord.  Just finished watching “12 Rounds” and it kicks ass!  Cena is the next Rock”  Or is Jesus still renting VHS.  He’s probably been bugging his dad to get a DVD player for years.  But God said, “Look, we have all these perfectly good videos that still work.  As long as there is a place still renting VHS tapes, there’s no reason to waste our money on a DVD player.”  It would make sense that God is still a little behind the times.  The Pope just said that condomns use has little effect on the spread of AIDS.  I’m sure prayer is a much more effective contraceptive.  I like how the worlds oldest Virgin  is giving us tips on STD’s.  A whole organization that practices celibacy is the scientific leader when it comes to AIDS research. Right.

I think Jesus is showing us that we don’t need the Golden Calf Blue Ray or Wide Screen.  He’s saying his message can be just as effective without all the drama of a misty aberration or a tornado.  Or, he’s just embarrassed because his dad won’t let him sign up for Netflix?

With everything going on in the economy, the state of the world, crime, health care, pollution and so on… It’s time we had a brainstorming session and tried to solve multiple problems with one solution…

We need to be economical with our time and resources.

We need to MULTI TASK!

Let’s take the rising crime rate in America and the fall of the Big 3 automakers for example. How could we ‘kill these birds with one stone’? Well, there are a few ways…

Remember we’re brainstorming here:

1. we could use criminals as crash test dummies, save the auto makers some cash, and cut down on overcrowding…

2. we could use prison labor to make our cars… they already make our liscense plates…

3. we could build a fleet of new, state of the art Death Vans that are used as mobile death chambers and kill off any criminals that we see fit. It could put many members of the UAW back to work, and cut down on overpopulated prisons…

these sound crazy to you?

They shouldn’t… #3 is being done in China right now!

Death Vans are real!

Now, maybe I am just a girl… But if you are going to name something a DEATH VAN…

It should be scary looking!

You need to dress the part! Accessorize!

Ya know…

Maybe they are onto something here… What if you got them to run on BIO Diesel?

Then, you could cut down on your carbon footprint and the ‘deaths’ would smell like chicken wings and french fries…

And if you’re going to take that step… Why not sell logo space on the sides like they do in Nascar? You could turn a profit… Get your death SPONSORED!

Imagine a world where locally built, eco friendly, baddass WAAF vans drive the streets with the purpose of blaring tunes and killing child molesters?

Am I crazy, or brilliant?

And what other combinations of issues could we come up with? What do you think?

It doesn’t matter what i think, I’m just a girl… everyone knows how stupid we are!

Computers Worldwide will supposedly succumb to the Conficker Worm this Wednesday.  This is supposedly a very smart and charming worm that can suck your financial info out of your computer and send it back to it’s creators in Russia or Ukraine.  Why can’t Russian youth just stick to forming Nationalist Skinhead gangs to beat up immigrants and gays?  Here, these geeks can explain it better. 

Computer viruses come and go and we may fall victim to identity theft.  But there are more dangerous futuristic gadgets that could cause serious bodily harm to innocent tech-challenged jerks like myself. 

For instance, The new Bio-Fuel Flying Car.  The flying car is one of those things we should have had by this point in the 21st Century, along with jet packs, food in pill form, and robot sex dolls like in “Westworld”.  This is the part of the article that scares the shit out of me, “The Skycar can be driven by anyone with a driver’s license and paragliding certification — for now. It has built in safety systems in case of mid-air power loss.”  That’s the main problem with driver’s licenses, anyone can get them.  As evidence by the caliber of drivers here in Massachusetts.  Imagine the asshole who can’t figure out what “Merge” means in a flying car. Fuck!  We’re just inviting death from the sky.  Add using a cell phone, IPhone, laptop, drinking coffee, doing paperwork, applying make up to this and us ground dwellers are screwed.  Because that’s who will get these first.  The phone yakking yuppies who need to define themselves by their cars.  “Look at me, I can fly and text!” Then BAM, into a cell tower.  Or worse.  Let me pile on here.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1139262/Keep-eye-TV–TV-contact-lens.html?ITO=1490

That’s right.  A contact lens monitor to watch television and movies.  NEATO!  And it can tap into our emotions and give us the feeling that we’re in the movie?  Holy “Matrix”!  I’m glad I took that red pill!  Other articles also mention drivers can monitor their speed and other gauges in the eye screen.  But they won’t.  They’ll be watching “Fast And Furious” while driving their little Audis and talking to there BFF while sexting the chick that works in accounts payable.  All this while flying in the new GM ”Buick Hawk” that they got tax breaks for buying.  They’ll get caught up in the movie that they’re emotionally invested in and while pretending to be Vin Deisel, spiral downward towards the Mass Pike.  That’s where I will be in my 2004 Accord actually paying attention to my driving, except I’m not looking up because I haven’t gotten used to the fact that there are flying fuckin’ cars!  Vin swoops down and shaves the roof off of my ground vehicle along with my head, which rolls on to the pike and gets crushed by the Fung Wah bus that my car and my headless body veer in front of.  The collision produces a fireball the size of an aircraft carrier because it’s a Fung Wah bus and is leaking gasoline all through the luggage compartment.  The explosion takes out half the Weston tolls and brings down 18 other flying car assholes and a Television traffic chopper.  The flaming debris shuts down the pike for 48 hours.

Look, I embrace technology just as much as the next nerd.  But in the hands of assholes, technology is a deadly killer.  What we really need is a blimp car. 

Yesterday, Maryland Senator Benjamin Cardin filed a bill that would allow Newspapers to become non-profit organizations, giving them tax-exempt status, like that which is given to Churches, Charities and our Public Broadcasting System.   Senator Cardin, obviously, doesn’t realize that most Newspapers in this country have been non-profit organizations for some time!  Stating that it is “in the interest of our nation that they survive”, Senator Cardin went on to say the failure of this industry would be a “tragedy for democracy”.  Yeah, okay.

When was the last time you went to your local 7-11 and bought a newspaper?  If you are like me, it’s every Saturday and Sunday, but I am pretty sure I’m the exception and not the rule. I like sitting down on the weekends and flipping through the paper.  However, I have to admit, alot of what I read I have already seen somewhere else.  A recent Carnegie Institute study fingered the average age of a newspaper reader at 57.  That’s the average!  This isnt really shocking information.  Who wants to pay 75 cents this morning for news you saw yesterday afternoon on your favorite Internet site?  Do you ever find yourself at work with your buddies talking about how you can’t wait to pick up tomorrow’s Globe to find out what the deal is with the Manny Ramirez situation?  I doubt it.

However, there is something to be said for making sure that this country has a vital “4th Estate” to keep watch over our Politicians and expose wrongdoing.  It just doesn’t have to be government subsidized.  Technology has passed the newspaper by, just like it did the “horseless carriage”.  Since when does our government determine that an entire industry that has been made irrelevant by technological advances is worthy of saving?  Where were they, for instance, when the ease of internet travel booking was putting virtually every travel agent out of work a few years ago?  Isn’t travel vital to the interest of our nation?  Of course it is, but what happened is what should always happen in a free enterprise system-travel agents adapted and created new ways to book travel or got out of the business because technology passed them by and they didn’t adapt.

I am biased, I admit.  As a radio entity, we compete with newspapers for the same advertising dollars.  How is it now a level playing field?  Newspapers that get non-profit, tax exempt status can go out and fight for the same revenue that this, and other, tax paying media outlets are fighting for.  If this passes, once again this Congress, controlled by the Democrats, has arbitrarily decided that an industry that is failing, is more valuable to the nation than other industries that are in the same dilemma.  How is that fair?

The Government is not supposed to be there to give handouts to private industry if they can’t compete in the Free Market System.  It is throwing good money after bad.  Think about it…and then write a “letter to the editor” of your favorite newspaper.  Maybe you’ll see it published sometime in the next month.

For Immediate Release

Listen to WAAF on 4/16 for

the NEW Green Day song 

‘Know Your Enemy’

GREEN DAY ANNOUNCE RELEASE DATE FOR LONG-AWAITED FOLLOW-UP TO 2004’S BLOCKBUSTER AMERICAN IDIOT

21ST CENTURY BREAKDOWN DUE FROM REPRISE RECORDS WORLDWIDE ON FRIDAY, MAY 15TH, 2009

FIRST SINGLE, “KNOW YOUR ENEMY” ON-SALE VIA DIGITAL RETAILERS THIS APRIL

DATELINE — Burbank, CA —  Reprise Records will release Green Day’s long-awaited eighth studio album, entitled 21^st Century Breakdown, on Friday, May 15^th, 2009. The album is the best-selling trio’s first studio album since 2004’s two-time Grammy Award-winning punk-rock opera American Idiot, which debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard chart, spawned five hit singles, and went on to sell more than 12 million copies worldwide.

21^st Century Breakdown is divided into three acts: “Heroes and Cons,” “Charlatans and Saints,” and “Horseshoes and Handgrenades,” and follows a young couple, Christian and Gloria, through the mess and promise of the century so far. Songs include “Know Your Enemy”, “21 Guns”, “East Jesus Nowhere”, “Before the Lobotomy”, and “Restless Heart Syndrome.” In a recent feature, Rolling Stone called the album “even more ambitious than American Idiot” and “a record of die-hard punk ideals…tightly scripted, continually ascending classic-rock excitement.”

Singer-guitarist Billie Joe Armstrong, bassist Mike Dirnt, and drummer Tre Cool have been at work writing, arranging, and recording 21^st Century Breakdown since early 2006 and are currently making finishing touches with producer Butch Vig, who is known for his work with Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins, Garbage, and many others.

The first single from 21^st Century Breakdown is “Know Your Enemy,” which will impact radio and be available for purchase from all online retailers this April.

Click here to watch the video!

The New Hampshire Legislature just shot down a bill that would make it illegal for parents to smoke while driving with their kids in the car.  Some say 2nd hand smoke is deadly.  Others say the law would have infringed on our civil liberties.  I was thinking this story was somehow related.

A couple of days ago I was in the car with my 4 year old daughter.  I’ve been slowly introducing her to various music and have been amused by her reactions.  So far, she has been partial to salsa, opera, and a little bit of Van Morrison.  Cripes, she has the musical taste of an NPR member.  She has usually told me it was to “loud” or “Scary” when I tried to play ACDC, The Who, or The Rolling Stones.  Although she does enjoy “Rockit” by Herbie Hancock and “Good Girls Don’t” by The Knack.  I have tried playing the Ramones for her to no avail.  Then, out of nowhere she asks, “Daddy, could you play the Ramones?”(pronounced: Ra-Moan-ez)  I was thrilled.  I immediately threw on the first album.  She then asked me to turn it up.  I was near tears I was so happy.  She started chanting “Hey Ho, Let’s Go” and I just about peed myself.  She asked about the “Sweet Little Girl” in “I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend” and told me eating glue was bad during “Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue”.  I thought to myself, “YES! She’s finally starting to get it”.  By the time we got to “Today Your Love, Tomorrow The World” she was bopping her head back and forth and making up words to go along with Joey Ramone’s.  Then I thought about when I first heard The Ramones and how it made me feel.  What other music it lead me to and the misadventures it inspired.  Sneaking out of my house to drink beers and trashing mailboxes.  Skipping a ton of school.  Hitchhiking into Boston to hang out in Kenmore Sq.  Road trips to shows and getting hassled by police while stoned out of my gord.  Spray painting the wall behind Building 19. Various stupid and dangerous experiments with fireworks and sex. Replacing my Dad’s scotch with ice tea(very stupid and disrespectful to the scotch).  Riding on the hood of my friend’s car from the parking lot of Fun And Games to the Zayers down rt. 9. Then I thought….oh shit.

Alright…here goes.  Since we all need a break from the CAP LOCK COMEDY that Matt provides us with several times a day on this blog, I am focusing on the lighter side of things today.  As you may have heard this morning, Spaz is going out on a date tonight with a local reality show star.  Whitney Collins is on the Oxygen networks “Bad Girls Club” and she and Tony met at the Place a few weeks ago.  Apparently, he asked her out, she was non-committal.  She came on our show and he asked her out again, she appeared non-interested.  However, she showed up this weekend while he was spinning the hits…and she said they should go out!  Hence tonight’s planned romantic excursion for bowling and the Capital Grille.  (Don’t be fooled-he knows someone at both places!)

The reality tv star and the producer/air talent had their photo appear in today’s Inside Track.  They are, apparently, dueting on the Journey classic “Don’t Stop Believing”, or I as I like to call it, the “most over-sung drunk song of all time.”  (What are the others?  Could be a topic for another Blog…)

I have a pair of tickets to the “Music As A Weapon” tour for the best caption for this photo.  Please  leave them below…and I will pick the winner Thursday afternoon.

???

“He talks too much, campaigns for cretins and clouds the streets of Medfield with his musk. But on many a fine summer night he rose up on his hind legs and walked with the kings. Cheers, sir.”- Mi Lo

A Friend of mine recently posted this on my Facebook page about Curt Schilling.  I called him the Hall Monitor because of his goody two shoes persona and penchant for revealing subjects to the press that would make his teammates and management cringe.  Some called him “The Blogger”.  Others just referred to him as arrogant or a blowhard.  Regardless of what we thought of him as a person(as if we really knew him), he was the best prime time pitcher in baseball.  The numbers are there to prove it. In 19 postseason starts with the Phillies, Diamondbacks, and Red Sox, Schilling went 11-2 with a 2.23 ERA. His teams played in 12 play-off series, winning 10.  The 2004 Post season and World Series win.  The legendary bloody sock that inspired his team.  The 2007 World Series performance.  He thrived on the post-season pressure because he loved scrutiny.  He ate up the spot light on the mound.  Yes, he has a huge ego that spews out of his mouth and blogs.  But you need to have a gigantic ego to handle the pressure of poet-season play like he did.

He was also Mr. Clean in an era dominated by chemically enhanced athletes like Clemens, Bonds, A-Rod, McGuire, etc.  People got on his case for trying to be the perfect father.  As opposed to the whore chasing super-stars we love to tear down.  He was accused for being a nerd for pursuing his passion for “Everquest” by the same geeks who can quote every stat about the 1961 World Series.(I don’t know who played and I’m not going to look it up…crap..hold on…it was the Yankees and Reds)  The guy was opinionated and in a position to communicate those opinions to the masses.

Whatever it was you hated about him, you can’t deny he was a winner.  Doing it without  roids(Clemens), phoning it in(Manny), or gambling on his team(Rose).   Ty Cobb was a great ball player, but he was a racist prick.   Despite my love of baseball I can never respect him.  So Maybe I’m a hypocrite.  Schilling had 3116 K’s in 23 Seasons.  He’s not a Cy Young winner.  3 Time World Champion.  Should he be in the hall of fame?  Let’s get Louis Tiante in first, then we’ll talk about it.

It is just plain so much fun to rip Peyton Manning!  Look, the guy is a great athlete, and even Tom Brady will tell you he is a really good guy, but he just seems like such a backwoods, hick knob.  I met him once on Opening Day when he was in town for the Sox game and a Reebok party and, I have to admit, he is a really good guy.  Doesn’t mean he isn’t goofy.  Which he demonstrated recently when performing a country tune with Kenny Chesney.  Please take a look at this video and tell me the facial expressions the former NFL MVP makes are not odd.  He looks constipated.  He looks like Spaz trying to read.  He looks like Tara Reid trying to identify Washington DC on a map of the East Coast.  He looks like…well, you get the picture.

Speaking of Peyton, now that our President has decided that his administration will call for oversight of executive pay at ALL financial institutions, when do you think he will start attacking the exorbitant salaries made by our professional athletes?  You see, the gripe with these “Wall St. wizards”, and “fat cat CEO’s”, is that they are paid big bucks even if their company is not pulling a profit.  In Barack Obama’s world, that’s not fair.  Isn’t the same true of sports?  Consumers pay big dollars to attend sporting events and often times they are watching a losing team.  Why should a QB, or receiver, or running back playing for the 0 and 16 Detroit Lions be making millions of dollars every year?  What about the President’s beloved friends in Hollywood?  Why should Tom Cruise be paid 20 million for a loser movie which innocent American’s are then fooled into investing their $10.50 in?  The government has no place telling anyone-not Peyton Manning and not the CEO of Bank of America-how much money he is allowed to make!  It’s bad news for this country.

I want to thank the Ahearn family for inviting me to their benefit event Saturday honoring some Congressional Medal of Honor winners at the Quincy Marriot.  This is the 8th year they have held this event, and despite the tough economy, there was a great turnout.  It is awe inspiring to see people who have the courage it takes to accomplish something worthy of that honor.

I took my son Breese and his buddy to the Bruins game yesterday and they dominated the Devils.  The “Ovechkin Guy” who calls “Hillmail” can suck it, because that was a big statement made by the Bruins yesterday.  Not by management, or coaches, but by the players themselves.  Everyone (myself included) has been down on the Bruins a bit lately, as we like to do around this city when we start to prepare for disapointment, but they showed they can beat one of the greatest goaltenders of all team and a team that was making a run for the division.  They will have no problem getting up for the playoffs, and I think we will have an NHL finals series in Boston in June.   Make sure you listen to Cam Neely on the show Thursday at 8:45!

Which reminds me of going to see LB’s team play in the finals against Edmonton at the old Garden…and having to leave because it was too hot outside…there was too much fog on the ice…and the electricity blew trying to cool everything down!  One of the only NHL finals games ever postponed because of heat!

Speaking of fog, I’m taking bets on whether LB shows up tommorow and what the excuse is…leave your guess, in his voice, on Hillmail.  Until tomorrow morning….