George Orwell was only 25 years late.  He also got the name wrong of the figurehead used by the totalitarian government in his novel(prophecy) “1984″.  It’s not “Big Brother” keeping a watchful eye on you.  It’s Google.  Viewing Google Earth’s Street View is creepy and titillating much like “2 Girls One Cup”.(I will not link you to that Saphonic scatological gluttony, look it up)  At first I thought, “Holy Shit! This is cool!”, then it was, “Holy shit, they’re looking at me right now.”  They market it as a helpful tool for finding that out of the way Brazillian Massage Parlor.  Thanks for helping me get that hot oil handy Google, mums the word right?  WRONG.  Next thing you know, your wife is receiving pictures of you entering the den of iniquity in her e-mail.  Why?  Because you once answered an on-line survey condoning the right to bear arms or that time you sent an e-mail to the guy in accounts payable saying the Vice-President was a tool.  Google is letting us know they know and everybody else will know.  

Example 1: The War On Drugs

Example 2: The War On Deer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Google did slip up by letting this image leak through the central scrutinizer’s grasp:

What the fuck is this?  It Looks like ET doing some kind of alien pole dance.  Maybe it was trying to warn us of the impending death of privacy, “Hello Earth, get ready to take a dump while your government watches.”

 

 

Between this and everybody(well almost everybody) giving out their info on Facebook, Myspace, and every other “Social Network”(Evidence Gathering) site, Brother Google will be all supreme Great Leader of The Workers by 2012.(That’s a hundred years earlier than the Greatest Band In North America, Rush, prophesied it would happen with their album “2112″)

Sadly, their prediction that everyone would be wearing silk kimonos by the 21st century has still not caught on.

 

I’ll be watching you watching me with them watching us on Google.

This was my favorite part of the Late Show! Every night for YEARS this made me laugh! It’s such a great ending… Watch this video, and keep an eye on the kid at the end!

Enjoy!

Fig.1

Here I am making sweet love to Danielle from the Hill-man Moring Show in a soft sensual bed of Tribbles.   The fact that they have been outlawed by the United Federation of Planets makes this even hotter…well..for me anyway.  I can almost hear them chirping with glee about the cosmic union happening on top of them.

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Fig.2

This is the ultimate sex while driving fantasy.  Doing it at warp factor 6 while Scotty blurts ” I can’t give it any more power Captain!”  Lt. Uhuru can stay and watch but Sulu has to leave.

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Fig.3

Me, Danielle, and the ENTERprise NC-1701 having a three-way in orbit.

I’ve cleared it with our Entercom lawyers-I can officially refer to the big game this weekend as the Superbowl.  The NFL legal team (slightly larger than the group of people who now tell you that they have been “with” the Bruins right from the start this season) will throw a cease and desist down your throat in record time if you mention the “Big Game” in conjunction with an advertiser…but random blog mentions are allowed!

Where were you last year when the “worst Superbowl of all time” occured?  I was there in Phoenix, and as Sunday approaches, I can’t help thinking of what could have been (which is just slightly less painful than re-listening to Tom Menino’s State of the City address).  I call it the “worst Superbowl of all time” because it had the potential to be…the “Best Superbowl of All Time”.  Undefeated season, four in a decade, blah, blah, blah. You get the picture.  I am sure that Sunday’s game will at least remind you of how much last year hurt.

To help ease your pain, I talked to some of the New England Patriots to see how they are planning to spend their Superbowl Sunday, one year after the “season that almost was”…

Larry Izzo, linebacker and special teams superstar:  “I am going to stay at home and watch at my house with my wife, Maura.  I will have my friend Stella and another friend Bud, and my good friend, Coors, to keep me company.  I am only watching for Bruce Springsteen at half time to see if he equals my performance of “Born In The USA” at Larry-oke last year.  You can never forget last year, it’s frustrating not to be there, and it’s hard to watch for any player if you’re not there.  I usually don’t watch.   But I am usually in the lockerroom for the half time show so now I get to see what all the fuss is about.”

Lonie Paxton, long snapper and man about town:  “I am going to Hawaii, and I will be on a fishing boat and out in the ocean snorkeling during the game.  I am planning on landing some mahi-mahi!   I just went to the Winter X games in Aspen, representing my charity, the “Active Force Foundation.org“, which builds handicapped sports equipment. I was there handing out gold medals to the Athletes.  From Hawaii, it’s off to Cabo and then back to work getting ready for next season.”

So…there you go.  Life goes on.  And I guess the message is, if they’re over it, I should be.   I will try.

I’m just as confused as you are about that headline! But, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has made a commercial for the ‘Pro-Vegitarian’ movement, and they were going to air it during the Superbowl.

Funny timing since it’s an un-official MEAT EATING holiday!

MMMMMM, wings, ribs, tips, sausage and every other way you can think to eat meat!

The commercial has been banned by NBC…

Not because of the ‘no meat’ stance, but because it’s TOO SEXY!?

When I heard about the video, the words that stuck out to me were…

SIMULATED SEX WITH VEGETABLES

I know right…?

You’re thinking… “I gotta see this”

Well, you know that I have your back, so here you go!

I’m not sure that this is real or not. But, I read it on the air today and I got a ton of calls to post it online. I looked on Snopes to see if it was fake, and I checked Craigs List to find the real post… No luck on either…

But here’s the email that I got, and thanks to Shaun T. for sending it to me!

To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah , Georgia)

I was the white guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I’d like to apologize.

I didn’t expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn’t that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It’s a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn’t it?

I know it probably wasn’t a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants.
I’m sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I couldn’t have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They’ll be on your bill in case you’d like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I’ve only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don’t know what’s going on with that. I hope they haven’t permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA’s office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I’d like to make it up to you. I’m sure you’ve already washed your pants, so I’d like to help you out.
I’d like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder?
I’d also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I’m hoping that you’ll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky.
If you read this message, email me and we’ll do lunch and laundry.
 
Peace!
- Alex

I have to hand it to PETA.  They definitely know how to get some good press for themselves.  This time it’s the National Broadcasting Company which served themselves up to the People for the Ethical Treatment of animals as their, forgive the pun, sacrificial lamb.  PETA has created an ad for this Sunday’s “Big Game” (I am now so beaten down by the lawyers here at Entercom, I am not sure I can even call it the Superbowl in my blog.  When it comes to our lawyers, I am like the cow and the electric face.  Poor choice of analogies, I know).  Back to PETA, who’s ad wants you to believe that vegetarians have better sex.  You can watch it below.

Pretty well done, right?  Of course, the prudes at NBC (who step all over themselves getting every Viagra, Cialis and Liquor spot buy available for the “Big Event in Tampa”) naturally reject it because, I gather, it might be offensive to all the kids who are up watching the game.  Yes, it would be horrible if a child saw a hot vegetarian rubbing a pumpkin suggestively.  But when 67 year old “Doug” and his hot, younger wife get in the hot tub, and talk about how upsetting it is when company arrives and they have to put off smashing each other, that’s perfectly acceptable.

The loser in this is NBC, and as always, the real winner is PETA.  They grab some hot model-actresses (aren’t they all?), pay them union scale, produce a commercial and, without SPENDING A CENT, their ad is all over television, radio and the internet.  Hate to do it, but I have to give them credit.  Doesn’t mean I won’t be enjoying a giant, rare Porterhouse, pre-game, somewhere in Tampa!

Sorry I have to share the now infamous Jessica Simpson photos in this space, but I promised on the show today that I would.  What has happened to one of the hottest women in the world?  Perhaps, it’s just that the relationship with Tony Romo is going so well, she doesn’t have to worry about gaining a few extra pounds.  Hey, if she’s happy, more power to her.  Should create a controversy over what role she will be playing in “Dukes of Hazzard: Duex” though…Daisy or Boss Hog?

Final question to ponder…what’s bigger?  Jessica Simpson’s ass or LB’s squash?

In the latest stimulus package proposed by the Obama administration there is a provision to supply funding for State family planning programs.  House Republican Leader John Boehner says this funding doesn’t create jobs or stimulate the economy.  Speaker Of The House, Nancy Pelosi, stated on “ABC’s This Week”, “Well, the family planning services reduce cost. They reduce cost. The states are in terrible fiscal budget crises now and part of what we do for children’s health, education and some of those elements are to help the states meet their financial needs. One of those – one of the initiatives you mentioned, the contraception, will reduce costs to the states and to the federal government.”

The latest details are at this link:

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20090127/D95V83N81.html

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This is not about race or class. I think the late William “Deep Throat” Felt’s advice could work in this case like it did in the Watergate scandal: “Follow The Money”.

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Who makes contraceptives?  Drug companies.  Who has one of the most powerful lobbies in the U.S.?  See here: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/03/29/60minutes/main2625305.shtml.  This is just a back door way to funnel taxpayer money to the drug companies.  When Republicans were in charge they made it almost impossible and in some cases illegal to obtain medications from Mexico and Canada where they are much cheaper.  Since Democrats are prone to be more friendly to the causes of Planned Parenthood clinics they are using this cause to stimulate the Drug companies.  Where are all these condoms, birth control pills, IUD’s and sponges coming from and do you think the companies that manufacture them are giving them to the government for free?  “Follow The Money”.  Or, much like a rest stop on 495, follow the trail of condoms.

Well, as I’m sure you heard… I got married a few months back.

Everyone from here was DRUNK as all hell!

I’ve had a bunch of calls… mostly from guys believe it or not… asking

What the hell would Mistress Carrie wear?

Now, I’m not surprised that people are asking about the dress…

People always ask, but usually it’s WOMEN!!!

So, I thought I would share a pic from my wedding album, so that you can see.

I never thought you would care that much to be honest…

But, here you go!

And before you say it…

I know, it’s like Bram Stokers Dracula and the Corpse Bride!!!

Would you expect anything else from me?

Have you noticed it’s become a bad thing to be successful in America these days?  As if you somehow should hide your success because it has come at the expense of others?  When did the great promise of the “American Dream” somehow turn into the obligation of “American Mediocrity” where everyone is equal and those who rise above are to be shamed?

There are examples everywhere.  Perfectly legit, hard working members of our financial community are called “greedy Wall Street pigs” because they were able to make millions of dollars, doing their job well!  CEO’s of very successful companies, who negotiated a deal for themselves with a knowing, understanding board of directors, are criticized for their “ridiculous” salaries, even though in most cases their skill provided great return for the company’s stockholders, which happened because they were doing their job well! 

The latest, and perhaps most shameful, example of this is the girl’s basketball coach at the Covenant School in Texas, Micah Grimes, who was fired yesterday because his team beat the team from Dallas Academy 100-0.  Nevermind that Dallas Academy hasn’t won a game in four years.  Never mind that they only have 20 girls who attend the whole school.  Mr. Grimes lost his job because he didn’t tell his students to focus on mediocrity.  “Don’t be too successful” he should have said.  “We don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  After all this is America, and we don’t anyone to rise above and do better than anyone else”.

This is a dangerous concept.  For years, it was the other way around.  I was told by my parents I could be anything I wanted.  I was told by my late father that nothing replaced hard work, and if I were to work harder than the other guy, I would be more successful.  That was when success was not a bad word.  Now, we are showing our children that it doesn’t matter how hard you work, the schools (and the Government) will step in and keep everything fair.  How does that possibly encourage anyone to work a little harder?  How does that give anyone a three pointer to shoot for, pun intended.

Don’t believe me?  Just ask the girls basketball team at Covenant High School.  They just learned the valuable lessson that if you practice, try hard, get good at something, and execute it to the fullest, you are the bad guy.  It’s the plague of success in this country…and it’s spreading.